Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
