When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I could make wine with my vomit
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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