I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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