Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
