I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
