...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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