I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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