i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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