Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
