yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
