I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
