With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
