I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
