just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
