i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
