it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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