I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
