Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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