Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
