I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
