I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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