too bad you live with your parents still
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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