just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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