my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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