it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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