where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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