The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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