hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
