He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
