she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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