Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
