I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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