Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think my moral compass just broke
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
