I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
