I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
