Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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