can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Randomize
