kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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