i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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