it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
