Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We need a shit load of segways right now
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
