i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
