Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can I color on your dick again?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
