Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
