there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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