you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
