my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
