So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
