I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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