Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
