Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
