There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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